My Only Love
by VishousDanvers
Summary: Song fic! Clays thoughts and some memories during his Exile.


**I love this song so much! Its called My Only Love by Jennifer Love Hewitt and if you have not heard it (or Tuesday, 3 am which my other song fic is based on) you need to go over to Youtube right now and listen to them!**

**It's alright...I can wait...go on...me and the fic'll still be here when your done XD**

**Ok so this is when Clay is in Exile...ummmm its late December and the Bay has just put up its Winter display, which Clay and Elena would see every year. So here's some of the inner workings of Clays mind.**

**Bold = song**

**normal = Clays thoughts**

**Italics = dialog Clay's remembering**

Would I do it again?

How many times have I thought this? Late at night, when the sun has set and the moon is high, all I can think of is you. How much I love you. How much I hurt you. Would I do it again?

I swear to you that I did it so we could be together...

I-I-I wasn't thinking...I panicked...and now…

Now you're gone.

I walk by the Bay in downtown Toronto. I hate going downtown, especially this time of year. There's so many humans, going ever which way, pushing, shoving, no personal space, so much noise, so many smells. Everyone stopping and going, unsure of which way they should go, things exchanging hands, money, food, and products. Definitely not somewhere I like to be.

I never thought much about this time of year, but now… now I can't seem to stop…

Why am I doing this to myself? I should be at home with you, Jer and the Pack.

But I can't go back, not yet.

So I can't miss it. I can't.

Only for you

**~Deep in my soul,  
a love so strong,  
it takes control.~**

"Mommy! Look!"

"Yes dear, I see."

"Daddy!"

"I know, I know! It's great. Oh look over there! The display this year is fantastic huh honey? I love the Bays Christmas window displays. They're always so magical!"

A happy family. That's what I wanted for us. I never thought about it until I met you, and then I felt like there was nothing else I wanted more.

'_Oh look over there Clay! I'm sorry, you must think it's so childish of me to like these stupid Christmas displays…'_

'_Shhhhhhhhhh. I love that about you Darlin'. _

**~Now we both know.  
The secrets bared,**

She looked at me and I new she new. I new she could tell it was me. My heart leapt. She new!

'_What a beautiful dog'_

She didn't know. My heart plummeted. If she didn't know then Jer would have made her leave! I had too...had too...

I had to make her see! I had to show her! I couldn't lose her…

**~The feelings shown.**

"_You did this to me Clay! I thought you loved me! I thought you cared about me! How could you do this to me! You turned me into a monster! I hate you! I wish I'd never met you!"_

**~Driven far apart,**

"_Clayton! I want you to leave Stonehaven! Until further notice I don't want you anywhere near here! You are not to have any contact with the Pack or with Elena! I am sending you into Exile until I say otherwise! Do you understand me?_

**~I make a wish on a shooting star.**

I'm so sorry Elena, Jeremy… I never thought it would turn out like this. I wish…I wish we could go back. Maybe I could talk to the both of you. Maybe I could talk to you and explain…then it would be different… then things would change.

I just know that someday…

~**There will come a day,**

You'll forgive me. You'll understand.

**~Somewhere far away,**

In our apartment in Toronto I think of you. I think all about you. Your sent, your, touch, your voice….I think about our embrace…

I can still feel your arms around me. I take comfort in them…

**~In your arms I'll stay,**

**My only love.  
Even though you're gone,  
Love will still live on,**

**The feeling is so strong,**

I can't live without you. I never had that before. I need you…I will always love you…I hope…I hope you still feel that way for me…deep down…that's all that keeps me going…

**~My only love, my only love.**

'_I will never take you back Clay! I never wanted this! I never wanted to be a-a-a monster! How can you say you ever loved me? How!_

'_Please Elena, let me just-'_

'_Tell more lies? No! Stay away from me! I never want to see you again! I hate you! I hate you!'_

**~There will come a day,**

'_Clay?' _

**~Somewhere far away,**

'_Yeah darlin'?' _

**~In your arms I'll stay,**

'…_I love you'_

**~My only love.**

You made me so happy that day. I felt like I was floating. My chest, no my heart, felt so light-so free! You telling me that felt better than anything! Better than that moment after the change when the pain is ebbing away and you stand up and stretch for the first time, better than running through the trees on the chase, for me hearing you say those words…for me that was like winning the lottery.

Don't worry darlin'…

**~Even though you're gone,  
Love will still live on,  
The feeling is so strong,  
My only love, my only love.**

I'll make it better…

**~There will come a day,  
Somewhere far away,**

I promise you that. I vow it! In the name of my Pack, and my name, on my family, and on my Alpha-Jeremy-I will make things right with you!

Until that day…

**~In your arms I'll stay,  
My only love.**

Elena…

**~You've reached the deepest part  
of the secret in my heart,  
I've known it from the start,  
My only love, my only love.**

I will never stop loving you.

Never.

Ever.


End file.
